The Stanley Parable Announcer Pack


The Stanley Parable Announcer Pack
Cosmetic icon Announcer- The Stanley Parable.png

This pack replaces the Default announcer and Mega-Kills announcer with the sardonically meta wit of the Narrator from The Stanley Parable.
Created By
Valve logo.png


Announcer: The Stanley Parable
Mega-Kills: The Stanley Parable



50% chance, only for All Pick, Least Played, Limited Heroes and Mid Only

  • Play u Welcome to Dota!
  • Play Oh good, you`re back! It`s been too long since I bathed in human misery. followup
  • Play Good to see you weren`t discouraged by your performance last time, I know I was. followup
  • Play Hello, you are now playing DIGITAL SPORTS! followup
  • Play Welcome! Once again! To DIGITAL SPORTS! followup
  • Play Stanley began a game of Dota. It would be a long time before Stanley stopped playing Dota. followup
  • Play Welcome to Dota 2, hope you`re ready to get meta. followup
  • Play Aha, I knew you would be back. It was never really a choice. followup
  • Play Oh I`m so glad you`re back, there`s been a failure-shaped hole in my heart ever since you left. followup
  • Play Oh you`re NOT dead? I didn`t know there were other reasons people stopped playing Dota. followup
  • Play Oh you`re back! Everyone`s been saying they missed you! B-⃢₀⅚wait, they were here just a moment ago⃢₀⅚where did everyone go? followup
  • Play Wait wait wait! Don`t start without me! Okay, yes yes, I`m here! We can start now! followup
  • Play Welcome to Dota 2, the prequel to Dota 3: Return to Dota. followup
  • Play Welcome! To the sequel to a video game! followup
  • Play WELCOME TO DOTAAAA! followup
  • Play Behold, as always, the majesty of DIGITAL SPORTS! followup

1% chance, only for the same modes as above

  • Play Welcome, to the dense and impenetrable web of systemic bullshit we collectively refer to as Dota. followup
  • Play Welcome to Counterstrike! BOOM HEADSHOT! followup

3% chance, only for the same modes as above, during certain daytimes

  • Play Good morning! followup
  • Play Good evening! followup

Game mode

Ability Draft

  • Play u Today we`ll be playing ability draft.
  • Play r Ability draft.

All Pick

  • Play r Today we`ll be playing all pick.
  • Play r All pick.

All Random

  • Play r Today we`ll be playing all random.
  • Play r All random.

Captain`s Draft

  • Play r Today we`ll be playing captains draft.
  • Play r Captain`s draft.

Captain`s Mode

  • Play u Today we`ll be playing captains mode.
  • Play r Captains mode.


  • Play r Today we`ll be playing deathmatch.
  • Play r Deathmatch.

Easy Mode

  • Play u Today we`ll be playing easy mode.
  • Play u Easy mode.

Least Played

  • Play r Least played.
  • Play r Least played.
  • Play r Choose wisely.

Limited Heroes

  • Play r Limited heroes.

Mid Only

  • Play r Today we`ll be playing mid only.
  • Play r Mid only.

Random Draft

  • Play u Today we`ll be playing random draft.
  • Play r Random draft.

Reverse Captain`s Mode

  • Play u Today we`ll be playing reverse captains.
  • Play r Reverse captain`s mode.

Single Draft

  • Play u Today we`ll be playing single draft.
  • Play r Single draft.

Other Modes
One vs One and other possible future game modes

  • Play r Choose wisely.



  • Play Your turn to pick.
  • Play Your pick.
  • Play Select a hero, please.
  • Play u Enemy`s turn to pick.
  • Play Their turn to choose, patience please.
  • Play Their pick.
  • Play Radiant team pick.
  • Play Radiant team are now picking.
  • Play Dire team pick.
  • Play Dire team are now picking.

10% chance

  • Play Radiant`s turn to royally screw it up.
  • Play Dire`s turn to make all the wrong choices.

5% chance

  • Play Go ahead and pick, I`ll just be here not judging you.
  • Play Technically announcers aren`t SUPPOSED to judge you for your selection of hero, but honestly I`ve never been much for rules.
  • Play Now remember, there are almost no wrong choices here.
  • Play The only wrong choice is all the ones that aren`t the one I`m thinking of.
  • Play One moment, I`m going to help them strategize a bit. followup

1% chance

  • Play While they`re picking, why don`t I read you a passage from a story I`ve been working on: followup
  • Play While they`re picking, here`s a random number for you to think about: followup


  • Play Your turn to ban.
  • Play Your ban, make it count.
  • Play Enemy`s turn to ban.
  • Play Their ban.
  • Play Radiant`s ban.
  • Play Dire`s ban.

5% chance

  • Play Ban them right where it hurts.
  • Play Ban the ever-loving snot out of them.
  • Play Now let`s wait patiently while they try to screw you over.

Time left to pick

  • Play u Ten seconds remaining.
  • Play Only ten seconds.
  • Play Ten seconds to pick.
  • Play Five seconds, hurry hurry!
  • Play Five seconds remain!
  • Play Reserve time.

5% chance

  • Play r You need MORE time? Yeesh⃢₀⅚
  • Play r You STILL haven`t reached a conclusion? Clearly Dota is the right game for you.
  • Play r Look I don`t mean to rush you, but I DO wish you`d go a hell of a lot faster than you`re going.
  • Play r You need EXTRA time? You know what game you`re playing, right? Dota?

Draft end

  • Play u Your ancient is under attack! ?
  • Play u Your team is complete.
  • Play u Radiant`s team is complete.
  • Play u Dire`s team is complete.
  • Play Choose your hero.

35% chance

  • Play Alright, let`s see what the damage is.
  • Play Well then, shall we pick some heroes?
  • Play Alright, let`s begin the Dota!
  • Play It`s time at last to select heroes.
  • Play How badly did they ruin your strategy?

5% chance

  • Play DO-TA! DO-TA! DO-TA!

Beginning battle

Entering battle

  • Play u Prepare for battle.
  • Play Prepare yourselves, we`re nearly ready!
  • Play Oh goody, I`m so terribly excited!
  • Play Just a minute or so now until the game starts, patience.
  • Play Let`s have a good clean match today.
  • Play Is everyone ready?
  • Play The stage is set, everyone prepared?
  • Play Another thrilling match awaits us.
  • Play Well let`s get to it, shall we?
  • Play Another beautiful day in Dota-land. followup

25% chance

  • Play Good, we`re nearly at the part where everything dies over and over.
  • Play Just so you know I`ll be taking a shot every time you die, please try to keep me out of the hospital.
  • Play You have about a minute to enjoy not dying. Savor it.
  • Play The game`s about to begin! Just try not to think of failure and all the ways you could lose and everything in yourself you feel weak and insecure about and you should be fine.
  • Play Okay! Time for me to learn the rules of Dota! I`ll just be skimming this as you play.
  • Play GL, HF, L2P, VD, MP3, OBGYN, 3DPDB1D9G
  • Play Quickly! Purchase items! Consume material goods to sustain capitalism!
  • Play Now a quick reminder, the goal of this game is to win. You can…I mean do whatever you want with that information, just throwing it out there.
  • Play What do you think will happen this time? Murdering one another, probably. Unless….yeah, no I`m gonna go with constant murder.
  • Play Okay, time to forget the myriad external pressures and life stresses that have driven you to blot out the pain with video games, let`s play some Dota!
  • Play Perhaps THIS battle will resolve the eternal conflict between good and evil.
  • Play DO-TA! DO-TA! DO-TA!

2% chance, for Radiant team

  • Play Okay see that big tree thing there? Well I guess that`s significant, you want it to live or die or something. Look, I really don`t know how this game works.

2% chance, for Dire team

  • Play Now if I`m reading this correctly, that big orange glowing thing is what you DON`T want to kill. Try doing that.

Time before battle
30 seconds

  • Play Thirty seconds to battle.
  • Play 30 seconds.
  • Play Thirty seconds to video games, thirty seconds!
  • Play 30 seconds until DIGITAL SPORTS!
  • Play One minute until thirty seconds after battle.

5% chance, players only

  • Play Just kind of a heads up here, everything you know and love will die one day.
  • Play Where do you think we go when we die?
  • Play Maybe THIS match will teach me how to love…
  • Play I`ll never truly forget the pain.
  • Play Your ancient is being attacked! Sorry, *cough*, just warming up. I imagine I`ll be using that line a lot.

10 seconds

  • Play Ten seconds to battle.
  • Play 10 seconds, everyone!
  • Play Here it comes….

15% chance

  • Play Last chance to quit the game and do something productive with your life.
  • Play All I`m saying is, diplomatic negotiations aren`t off the table yet.

Battle begins

  • Play u The battle begins!
  • Play Begin the murder-fest!
  • Play Begin the DIGITAL SPORTS!
  • Play And so it begins. followup
  • Play Now murder each other for my amusement!!
  • Play Let this meditative reflection on the fleeting and fragile nature of life begin!
  • Play It`s time for fantasy-world avatars to pretend to murder one another!
  • Play God I really hope this match ends up being of any cosmic significance.

1% chance



First Blood

  • Play First blood!
  • Play u More of it! More death!
  • Play The killing begins!
  • Play We have first blood!
  • Play And the blood spills.

Double Kill

  • Play Double kill!
  • Play A vicious double slaying.
  • Play Two innocent lives taken!
  • Play Two down.
  • Play A double slaughter.
  • Play Twice the murder!
  • Play Make that two.
  • Play Double kill.

Triple Kill

  • Play Triple kill!
  • Play And there`s a third.
  • Play Three innocent lives taken!

Ultra Kill

  • Play Ultra kill!
  • Play And a fourth! GET THE LAST ONE!
  • Play Four innocent lives taken!


  • Play Rampage!
  • Play Death to them all!
  • Play Five innocents, driven mercilessly into the ground!

Killing Spree

  • Play Killing spree.
  • Play More! More death!
  • Play Keep murdering!
  • Play Quite a spree.


  • Play Dominating.
  • Play A dominant performance.

Mega Kill

  • Play Mega kill.
  • Play An acceptable amount of murder.


  • Play Unstoppable.
  • Play Whole lotta murder going on here.

10% chance, players only, enemy spree

  • Play No really, you`ve got to stop this person.

Wicked Sick

  • Play Wicked sick.
  • Play A quantity of murder both sick and wicked.

Monster Kill

  • Play Monster kill.
  • Play Monsters, all of you.

10% chance, players only, enemy spree

  • Play You ARE still trying to stop the spree, yes?


  • Play Godlike.
  • Play Good god.

10% chance, players only, allied/own spree